I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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