Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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