Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
