I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
