I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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