I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
