Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
