I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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