Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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