His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
