I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
