Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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