so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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