My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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