yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
