he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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