I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We got so high we made milksteak
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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