Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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