i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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