so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
