I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
