So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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