you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
this hospital has no fireball
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
