How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
