She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
