I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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