Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
