Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
