Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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