i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize