i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
