God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
