i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
