yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
