That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize