when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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