so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
