I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
