ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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