Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
handjob tips. give me some.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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