Please, let me fuck your mom
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
