her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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