THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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