I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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