I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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