Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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