Michael Bay diarrhea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
