Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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