I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
