Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
