i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
