I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
