Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
