it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
