You can't special order awesome
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My feet surprised me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
