He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it glows. i had to have it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
