Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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