We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
