I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
