So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
