I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
