I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
even my farts smell like vagina
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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