Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
