and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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