I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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