Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
