I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I could fuck to npr.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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