jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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