yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
