i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
