I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we're so committed to being not committed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
