I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the raccoons are back...
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