My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
