in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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