walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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