Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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