I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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