He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
