Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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