You made me cry and you don't even care
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
