How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize