Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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