She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
