I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
