I didn't shave. On purpose
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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