@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
