Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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