I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
