And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
