Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
