i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
