We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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