i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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