I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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