This girl is more easily done than said...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
